Friday, August 7, 2020

EUTHANASIA; when your heart flips wrong side out

 


EUTHANASIA: when your heart flips wrong side out...

It is THE WORST day of your life with your dog.  It is a day you may have been anticipating for weeks or months- when you know you are near the end, taking the last walk, eating the last ice cream cone or hamburger, or for my dear sweet Mooi- plate of spaghetti.  Whether it be due to old age (hopefully) or a diagnosis with a sad prognosis, the time to euthanise is self inflicted, unmitigated torture.

You play it over and over and over in your mind... asking all the questions- 

"Am I making the right decision?"  "Will my dog understand?"  "Am I being selfish?"  "Should I wait?"  "What if he might get better?"  

When I was little, we lived on a farm at the end of a half mile gravel lane.  My mother would wait for me to get off the bus at the road.  I would climb down with an armload of books and lunchbox and papers and sweaters and whatever else I brought home each day.

She would empty my arms and carry them for me- setting me free to run and dance and skip and pick flowers and climb trees and catch caterpillars and do cartwheels and play all the way home.  

When you sacrifice your own emotions, to let your dog go, all that pain, all that grief, all the breath that leaks out of your lungs... you are taking all that on, to let him go free.  What you are carrying, releases him from his suffering.  You take it all on, as you have his whole life, to give him the best you have to offer.

When we set our beloved dog free, it feels like someone is pulling a loose string from our heart, unraveling a lifetime of memories and daily routines and relationships.  There is no official definer of when the time is right.  There is NO easy way to get through it.  It.  Is. Horrible.

But it is what we sign up for and it is a darn good trade off for the the lifetime of loyalty and love and fun and laughs and best friendship that we cherish every day they are with us.

When the time comes, grieve with all your might.  Don't hold back.  Those who know, understand.  Go through old pictures.  Hug his favorite toy. Put his tag on your key chain. Cry as hard as you need.  Dogs never hold back or fake emotion, and yours would never want you to either. 

 I believe that grief is the most sincere expression of love.

Just breath... breathe... breathe... and when you're ready...  It's ok to laugh again.  It's ok to love again.

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